Fifteen reasons why Santa is a Communist

It’s that time of the year again to wish readers a very Merry Christmas — whatever circumstances you find yourself in — and a New Year which won’t be the dumpster fire otherwise known 2020. We can but hope.

It’s also time to remind you all that while there is a Reason For The Season, Santa most certainly is not it. In fact, beware of Santa. He is a communist. Don’t believe me? Here’s the evidence:

1. He’s an old Caucasian male with a beard – just like Frederich Engels, Karl Marx, Lenin, Fidel Castro, Jeremy Corbyn – or Bernie Sanders, if he had any testosterone.

2. He’s jolly. So was Stalin, when he wanted to, which is why Churchill and FDR called him the jovial Uncle Joe.

3. The original Santa was a…